How to Address Tantrums, Whining, Screaming, Stubbornness and Other Toddler Behaviors
Last week was my daughter's 2 year wellness check with her pediatrician. This appointment was a little different than the ones we have had in the past. Well, for one, no shots.. thank GOD! But, second, a good portion of this appointment was centered around toddler behaviors. Her pediatrician asked about tantrums, sleeping, eating etc. I told her about the occasional playdate where my daughter didn't want to share her toys and the occasional whining and sass that comes along with a 2 year old.
I always knew this behavior was normal, so I don't think too much about it. I was just planning to weather the storm. But I soon realized in this meeting that there are certain things I can do to address these funny little toddler behaviors.
Our pediatrician started to tell us that by acknowledging the behavior I am actually reinforcing it. She went on to say that the best way to eliminate these behaviors are actually to totally ignore them, all of them (except, of course when you need to intervene in a conflict with another child). She did say that, when you start to ignore the unwanted behaviors, it will get Worse, before it gets better as the child will try to test to see if you REALLY mean what you say.
On the flip side, when the child displays positive behaviors, Im supposed to offer lots of praises and compliments, "I like the way you are talking to me", "that is good sharing" etc, etc.
This is a great alternative to punishment and lecture.
Comment
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Comment by Ashley Hunter on March 20, 2011 at 11:52am -
I am glad u posted this. I started ignoring Wesley's high pitched screams. I can tell the difference between if he really needs something, or if he is just starting his toddler fit stage because he wants his way now! I feel like sometimes others stare at me like "why are you just ignoring your child and letting him scream?" I felt I was doing the right thing, but I don't like following through with this in front of others. It's way easier to practice at home. I will just have to keep it up and get over what others may or may not think.
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Comment by Lisa on March 15, 2011 at 1:53pm -
Steph, I think that's a good point around the hitting or stopping poor behavior between kids. Molly only hits me or Bryan we are trying different tactics to see what sticks. For now we may just stick with taking something away from her, like the toy she's playing with or her favorite stuffed animal of the day while she's on time-out which tends to make more of an impact than just putting her on time-out. When we make the clear distinction that's she can't play with 'x' AND she's on a time-out then she tends to have a reaction whereas when we just do a time-out she has no problem with it and even walks to time-out before we even have to bring it up. What a rascal :-)!
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Comment by Stephanie on March 15, 2011 at 8:21am -
I believe when it comes to conflict between two kids, you have to intervene (taking toys, biting etc). Those situations will just escalate as I don't think toddlers have the skills to work those situations out. This is refering to more of the attention seeking behaviors like whining etc
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Comment by Becky Ciccoianni on March 14, 2011 at 7:49pm -
Interesting..I just feel like I need to step in, especially when Madie pushes someone. I feel like if I don;t intervene I am not doing my job as a parent. The whole right from wrong like Lisa said. But I am going to give this a try!
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Comment by Stephanie on March 14, 2011 at 9:07am
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The hitting might be a different story, Im not sure. I think the physical behaviors are handled a little different (just like you are doing now Lisa)
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Comment by Lisa on March 14, 2011 at 8:27am
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I would have totally thought the opposite because there is this desire to teach them right from wrong, BUT Molly does hit me and then put herself on time-out because she knows the consequences and chooses that it's worth it. I'm going to try this technique starting today! lol
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Comment by Noelle on March 12, 2011 at 6:48pm -
My husband was just talking about that this evening. He said it's just like the dog whisperer. Ignore the bad and give positive reinforcement/ affection for good behavior. It's amazing how similar babies and dogs are! Lol.
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