Support after a miscarriage
I was recently pregnant and found out at 10 weeks that my baby had no heart beat and had stopped growing almost 3 weeks earlier. It has been an emotionally challenging time for me; I have been able to get back into my normal routine, but then I see something while watching TV that reminds me of my loss and brings up all the sadness. This would have been my second child. My first is almost 2; he brings me so much joy and he keeps me busy, as does my job. Still, there is an underlying sadness that I'm feeling. Today was Fathers Day, and even though our family had a great time being together, I felt sad and a little cranky the whole day, and I don't know why.
Are there any moms out there that have lost a pregnancy? I have had the support of a couple of people who have gone through similar experiences, but I wanted to reach out and see if there were others out there. I am not looking to dwell on the grief, but perhaps I just want the comfort of not feeling alone and getting help in working through the mix of emotions.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Natalie H on -
Cindy I am so sorry for your loss! I had a miscarriage with my second at 7 weeks (but I didnt even know I was pregnant so the loss was not as great as yours) I successfully got pregnant right away and just had my daughter in May. It effected my husband much harder then it did me.
I dont have any words of comfort, but I do remember feeling very shocked when my OBGYN told me that 70% of ALL miscarriages happen after the successful birth of a first child and they aren't sure why this is. It is such a sad loss, and I think focusing on all the positive things about your 2 year old is great, but you do need to grieve the loss of this baby.
Here is a website that may help http://mybabyangel.org/
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Permalink Reply by Heather Reynolds on -
Hi Cindy,
You are definitely not alone. I had two miscarriages before having my son who is almost 2 now. Both of my situations were similar to yours...going in for an ultrasound only to find no heartbeat. Not a day goes by that I don't think about it. Having my son made me realize what a true miracle he is. I know it's hard not to think was there anything I could have done to prevent this? I did not know how common they were...I was told 1 in 5 women usually with no explanation. Be open and share your feelings with your husband. Let me know if you need to talk.
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Permalink Reply by Mary Stewart Oliver on -
Hi Cindy,
I'm so sorry for your loss, but you aren't alone. I lost my first at 9 1/2 weeks, I remember being numb and in complete shock. I had to go back to work and teach, which made it that much harder. I finally after 2 years got pregnant again and my daughter is almost 2 and I feel so blessed that I was worthy enough to be her mommy.
I was also told that there was nothing I could have done to prevent it from happening. You need to talk about the baby that you lost and what could have been. I had to do that and I sometimes still think about that baby from time to time. Talk to your hubby about it, you may find that he is struggling to talk about his feeling as well. If you need to talk about it, let me know.
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Permalink Reply by Cindy Wilson on
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Thank you all for your replies. I really appreciate your support. I am doing my best to let myself be sad and acknowledge when the feelings come vs. putting on a happy face to cover it up. I hadn't told many people I was pregnant, so it's hard when I'm with people who don't know what happened. I have been sharing my feelings with my husband, and he has been very supportive through all of this, being there for me, and sharing his feelings in return.
Natalie, thank you for sharing the website.
Heather and Mary, thank you for offering to lend your ears.
I have learned and take comfort in knowing how common miscarriages are and know it will take time to work through the grieving process. Thank you for being there for me.
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Permalink Reply by Karen on -
Cindy, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. There is a great website, called Face of Loss Faces of Hope that can provide a lot of support to moms going through a loss such as yours. you can check it out at http://www.facesofloss.com
I hope that you're able to get the help and support you need. I know that you are not alone and others will help you through this hard time.
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Permalink Reply by Giselle Baturay on -
I'm so sorry for your loss. :( I had three miscarries and while the hurt never goes away completely it does get better over time. It's something you have to let yourself grief and cry and be mad and wonder why and wonder the what-ifs and get it all out...and then the healing starts. Hugs to you mama.
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