High Need Baby
Hi everyone! I am a new mom with a 1.5 baby boy. I am currently on maternity leave, and my husband will be back to work by next week. It has been a challenging month for my husband and I. From day one, my son has been and is an alert baby who cries impassively and at times inconsolable. He loves being awake and have a hard time going to sleep and staying asleep, especially during the day. The only way I can keep him asleep is if I BF him close to an hour so he can be full and go to sleep. Another way is being in the carrier taking him for a walk or a drive. Otherwise, we have to keep rocking him to sleep close to 2 hours just to get him to sleep. When he's awake, we have to carry him around because he does not like laying in the crib, play yard or bouncer. He gets fussy to the point of getting angry and cries for hours. I has been draining for us carrying him around, and BF for almost an hour. I have read the fussy baby book by Dr. Sears. Though the book is helpful and have tried all the techniques, I cannot help but feel burntout. Now that my husband will be returning to work, I am very scared taking care of him by myself, carrying him most times, feeding.
Does anyone else have a high need baby? How do you cope?
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Stephanie on -
YESS!! Mine are a bit older now but my first was extremely colic. I can totally empathize with you. I'll send you a personal message on some things that worked for us. I wrote this a while backhttp://www.ocmommies.com/profiles/blogs/fussy-baby-is-my-baby-colic. But it sounds like you also found my saving grace, the Fussy Baby Book.
Quick question, has your pediatrician ruled out reflux or food allergies? Neither of those where the case for us but I know it is for some babies.
Its hard to look back and remember that period.. I think I mentally blocked it out..lol. I'll message you tonight.
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Permalink Reply by Dahlia on -
Hi Carmela, have you tried swaddling him? Maybe that could help him settle down? Another option you can try that some of my mom friends swore by (since they had colic babies) gripe water, just make sure you ask your pedi if it's ok for such a little one. Hope things get better for all of you.
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Permalink Reply by Cristina Wang on -
Carmela,
My second was extremely gassy and fussy. And it does seem like there is no light at the end of the tunnel because every child is different, I have a few things I tried to do to survive. My husband travels a lot of work and usually doesn't get home until after 9pm so I have been more or else a single parent during the week.
1) Just try to get through small chunks of the day at a time. Every time I focus on the fact that I am alone for 14 hours I start to freak out.
2) Misery loves company. I know, a silly cliche but it is true. Just talking to another mom who understands made things more bearable and made time move! If it meant having a friend over for a playdate or going to an OC Mommies event, don't sit at home alone all day. Join gymboree, or mommy and me...
3) Drive thrus were my best friend! Sleeping kid in the car? Go to starbucks and leave a book or magazine in your car to read so you can grab 15-30 minutes of quiet time while your car runs in the parking lot. Lol.
4) Take a break! My mom would come for a visit and I would something as mundane as go to Target by myself but gosh it was a sanity saver! 1 hour meant I could deal with my fussy little one for another 3 hours without complaint. =) I know it's hard with you breastfeeding, but seriously, 1 hour away will help. Maybe even hire a babysitter so you can just go upstairs and take a nap a couple times a week!
Just know that you are not alone and very few of us handle a fussy baby with ease. We ALL get burnt out!
Hugs,
Tina
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Permalink Reply by Carmela on -
Thank you everyone for your replies! Just seeing that I am not alone and can commiserate with other moms really helps.
The pedi did diagnose my baby as gassy and with GERD. We currently give him gripe water, elevate him while feeding and right after, burp him several times, and even sleep while elevated. There are still pockets during the day when he still fusses after he has been fed, burped, given gripe water, bounced, rocked, swaddled... We try different methods and most of the time it works. But it does feel that there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Some days I feel like I can barely eat my breakfast, or use the bathroom because I am pacifying or carrying my baby. I am also still adjusting to my baby who has a huge personality. At times, I feel trapped and isolated.
I finally discovered this website and an I am glad that I can connect with other moms. I am the only one out of my friends that have a child, let alone a child with high needs, and also live down in the OC.
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Permalink Reply by christina wagner on -
My daughter still at 2 1/2 has problems sleeping. She was never a big sleeper. Some things that have saved me was the Mobyb wrap, The original sound machine, The cloud B sleepy sheep and rocking her with one ear up to my chest and my hand over the other ear so she hears my heartbeat. She is and was very advanced on everything she did/does. I was told by the doctors when they are learning more they tend to sleep less. I have linked the two and have found that so very true. When she was crawling at 5 months old she slept less, up every 2 hours. She didn't sleep threw the night until she was 1 1/2 years old. The more active she was the happier she seamed to be and slept better too. If you are breastfeeding him they sleep for less then a bottle fed baby. If you are breastfeeding check what you are eating. Stick to things simalr to what you ate when you were pregnant that didn't give you heartburn. See the lactation specialist at the hospital they should be able to help. There is an amazing place called Milkalicious in Aliso Viejo off of Journey & Aliso Creek that can also help. I joined a local hospital ran support group and that was a lifesaver. Come to events here and you will soon not feel so alone in this. We have all been through many challenges as moms. For collic the best ting I found was colic calm. It's one of the only ones approved by the FDA & my pediatrician oked. It worked amazing.Also walks to the mall or places with stimulation helped. Check to see if he might be alergic to milk you can also take a supliment at Milkalicious a probiotic that helps. One last thing was the Nap nanny , if he has colic it is the best 150.00 best money spent. She finally started sleeping after that and the colic calm. For a one stop shopping Milkalicious has almost all of these things. Hang in there and ask family and friends for help.....
http://www.cloudb.com/?gclid=CNnl6cClwrACFSdeTAod1FDkVQ
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Permalink Reply by Natalie H on -
http://www.ocmommies.com/events/moms-of-2-meet-and-greet
Carmela,
Please come on Wed, we would love to meet you! A lot of us are second time moms, and we know what you are going through, Its nice sometimes just to get out of the house!!
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Permalink Reply by Connie C. on -
Hi Carmela! I'm glad you found this site & some helpful advice from others here. My son was a 27-week preemie and came home with reflux. As a preemie, he'd often cry throughout the day and in his sleep and at worst, choke and stop breathing when he'd have a bad episode. He's doing much, much better now at 10 months, but the first few months at home were extremely challenging and sleepless!
In case any of these might be helpful, some tips I gathered along the way are:
1) Try to simplify everything else in your life as much as possible for these few weeks or months. I know easier said than done. We still find ourselves dining on plastic plates! If you can afford to even temporarily get help from sitters or friends who can watch him for an hour or two here & there, take it! A good friend once told me that your sanity is priceless!
2) To help the baby sleep, we tried a variety of tactics. Lifting the crib or play pen on an incline (using books underneath). Letting him nap in the swing and sleep overnight in the bouncy seat. You can buy hospital grade wedges for your crib too, but the bouncy seat worked great for us. I spent months sleeping on the couch or on an air mattress on the floor next to his bouncy seat in case of a bad episode, so I could reach him immediately.
3) To treat the reflux, we ultimately were prescribed zantac, prevacid and finally, prilosec which has helped. We also used OTC anti-gas drops (e.g., Mylicon; simethicone is the main ingredient). Target sells an inexpensive generic - look for it near the antacids. We add a few drops to each of his bottles. Our ped explained it's extremely innocuous and doesn't even get absorbed into the body. Antacids won't cure reflux but it should make your baby more comfortable at night and throughout the day.
4) A great online resource for reflux was the message board on babycenter with a page dedicated to aggregating a lot of basic information as a reference. http://community.babycenter.com/post/a33165/reflux_information
5) Hoag Hospital also has a free, support group for new moms that meets weekly on Monday evenings, I believe. I never went but it might be helpful if you can get out once your husband is home from work!
Good luck and hope you reach the light at the end of the tunnel sooner than you think! Your baby boy is gorgeous too!
Connie
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Permalink Reply by Kimberly Lattimore on -
Hello,
My name is Kimberly and I am a mother of 9 children ages 1-23. I have had 2 of that personality of my own children. My second child, the first one I had like yours, I parented much like you and I was exhausted!!! After my 3rd child, I found that the techniques from the book "Babywise" worked way better. I have been using that book for 18 years. I swear by it. All my other children have learned to sleep early on. My sixth child, also had your child's personality, and I used the techniques from the "Babywise" book. She also learned to sleep.
I promise you will enjoy your baby and your husband more.
Call me if you want to talk.
Kimberly Lattimore
(949) 500-6824
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Permalink Reply by Meg Marie Ford on -
My daughter was terrible as an infant - if her eyes were open, she was either nursing (which was excurtiating for me because of a bad latch) or screaming. My mom used to call her "stiffy" because she'd get so gassy and tight that we'd joke that we could hammer nails with her tight little belly.
That being said, at three months it all got a million times better, and you are already half way there! You can do it! Do what works for you - will your baby sleep in a swing? That's what worked best for us - nursing her to sleep and then having her snooze in the swing.
Get out and about when you can. I used to just hit a point in my day where I felt like a trapped rat, and so I'd head out with my daughter and figure hey, if she cries, she cries. It's hard because you think everyone is looking and judging you, but they're not, and your baby isn't crying as loud as it seems to the mom. The Mission Viejo mall is a great place to go, because there's lots of walking to be done, and the very nice lullaby lounge for nursing.
Do you have family living nearby? I would try to have my mom come over on bad days.
As a toddler, my daughter is still spirited and high needs, but she's also an amazing delight, and I feel like those first three months were my trial by fire. You'll get through it! And Dr Sears definitely helped me retain some semblance of sanity, even if just hearing that some babies are fussy, and it's not the moms fault.
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Permalink Reply by Jamie on
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Hi Carmela
I hope we get to meet soon but I wanted to respond to this. I feel some of your pain; although my 10 week old isn't as high maintance as my 6 year old was, she still is challenging. My daughter wants to be held all the time, nurse all the time and wants to nurse while sleeping so I am laying with her all the time and can't do anything. She HATES the swing and the car-she will cry whenever the car is stopped at a light; it detours me from leaving the house because the car ride can be so stressful. Hang in there! We will have a lot to talk about when we meet :)
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Permalink Reply by Gilda on -
If you haven't already, get the DVD "the happiest baby on the block". Lifesaver!!!
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Permalink Reply by Jessica on -
Hi Carmela,
I am sorry that the first months with your son have been so trying. I know for myself that my family struggled through the first 12 weeks shooting for survival. I hope things have started to improve as you are nearing the end of your second month.
I loved the book The Contented Baby By Gina Ford. Here is a link to her website. http://www.contentedbaby.com/
I also loved my sleepy wrap or Moby wrap which holds the baby close to your chest while leaving your hands free. I also found that just getting out and talking to other moms help refresh me.
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